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One more time   
08:28pm 06/05/2009
  So, right, apparently it's not official until you get a shirt. Still, this is crazy. I'm going to law school. Yikes.

Ironically, this weekend I go back to Minnesota to graduate. Well played life; this a good confluence of life changing events.

I'm a little terrified, maybe more than I should be. But fuck it, life is too good to worry. I'm going to go and kick ass.

I hope
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Things I'm actually interested in   
10:24pm 16/02/2009
  I think it's just fucking absurd that people think the Broncos will go after a running back in the draft. For fucks sake, they have half a dozen of them. Durability issues aside, they've got a great set of them. Selvin Young looks great when he isn't made of glass, Peyton Hillis is one of the shockers of the year in my opinion, and Ryan Torain has the skills to be great. Don't forget about Andre Hall or Michael Pittman; they're not great but certainly effective backups. Why the shit would you take a running back with that kind of backfield?

I like The Shack, mostly because I'm actually helping people about half the time. The crazy people though, you wouldn't fucking believe. Do electronics atract the old and crazy? Maybe it's just Catonsville being full of weirdos. Everything from spy paranoia, to drunks insisting on plugging sound systems into their WOOFERS, to old fat white guys who want help attaching their suspenders. Oh my job.

The problem with Lie to Me is that it had a great pilot, but now it can't replicate that. The pilot was unquestionably fantastic, especially the way it tied (somewhat) real science into the intrigue of the show, and made the viewer feel like they were participating. But now that's fallen off almost entirely. And really, you can only have a scenario of "Oh shit, someone is lying and WE NEED TO KNOW WHOOO" so many times before we're bored. On top of that, none of the characters aside from Tim Roth's are really that interesting. Did I mention it lacks a solid plot arc to keep us interested (what I'm calling Reaper syndrome). It's sad, because the premise is fantastic, but this is one giant bomb of a show.

...yes, my dialogue is disconnected, but I wanted to write these things. So I did. Cheers!
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Hum drum   
05:36pm 13/02/2009
  So yeah

working full time is rough, but I can see where attitude begins to matter. Quality isn't entirely mental, but reactions are.

Being in a long term relationship is definitely new territory, but it's cool new territory, like a hidden area in a familiar place. With a waterfall. And adorable wolf cubs.

Oh, and I got in to law school. Woohoo?
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In those moments   
08:48pm 16/12/2008
  I was going to write something soul searching here, but it seemed more appropriate to muse at Livejournal itself.
We write down all these things we wish we could say, but we don't say them.

Or we write down all the things we don't want anyone to read, except we make them public.

Or we catalog our lives, hoping they're interesting, but we do this because we don't think they are.

Or we write about our experiences, opinions, bad stories and good movies, keeping it light and simple, without any personality injected into it.

Why do I keep a livejournal? Because I like releasing these musings occasionally. I'm guilty of all of the above, for sure as well. I think I'd be a lot healthier without this, or any of the other blogs I've kept.

But it's hard to destroy so much history. I see recorded here the journey of 8 years, so many different thoughts and experiences recorded. I can't help but feel like it'd be a waste to destroy all of that.

We'll see. In the meantime, I'll keep abusing this habit.
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05:33pm 01/12/2008
  It's weird, primarily because it's such a shift.

Life itself won't necissarily be that different, but the whole paradigm has to change.

Up til this point, life has been a series of cut offs. Graduations, from one place to the next. No matter what your circumstances were, it wasn't going to be for more than a few years.

Now that can change. Yes there is promotion, switching jobs, and moving.

But it's not so fixed, you don't have the dates in advance. It's this scary, ill-defined space of THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. And it's all sitting there, waiting for you like the hungry darkness.

I've wondered if that's not why I'm ok with law school despite my apprehensions. It's more of the same, safe, familiar. Maybe it's not what I want, but it's what I know.

You live your life based around time lines, living for the next thing on your calendar. There are all these great dates, signposts to show you if you're still on the path. But now it's just the endless forest ahead.

I should be so excited for the challenge, but I can't help but feel apprehensive...
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Movies occasionally cause thought   
09:07pm 08/11/2008
  I think thats the point of the lesson. We can choose to use it or ignore it.

To live as a part of the normal world is to accept the pain we cause.

To truly escape all the pain is total removal, essentially or literally death.

We enjoy the pain, on some perverse level. It's our reminder of our existence. The necessity of ego corresponds to our refusal to die.

The lessons are only complex if you aren't looking. They're numerous, simple, and they all say about the same thing. Actually using them despite living is an entirely separate matter.

This would make more sense, but language is at best improper here.

P.S. - Saoshyant. That word is going to drive me mad. Anybody think of any books or book series that use that word, other than those related to zoroastrianism?
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What's in your name:?   
07:07am 21/10/2008
  After watching TV commercials, I have determined that Viagra can help old people and their wives to dance. Also to look really goofy trying to make bedroom eyes.

Also, social mores suck. Names are difficult to remember, especially when you have to learn several dozen of them.

Everyone I meet from here on out will be assigned a number and color, for simplicity sake.

Edit: I woke up around 6:30 am, and was weirded out how much it was like the night time. Despite making sense, it was an odd similarity, but so very different. I don't plan on changing my habits, but it was very cool seeing the sun rise.
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I kind of like leaving these blank   
12:21am 04/10/2008
  I've become fascinated by silence.

I went into the library today. It's always quiet, but it's empitness made it absolutely silent. All the students gone, it was me and about two librarians.

Somehow this gradient change was fascinating. There's so much background noise in a library; the sound of footsteps, the rustle of pages. Somehow it's emptiness produced a much more prodigiuous silence.

More than that of abandoned buildings. This is a building with life and use, but entirely silent and empty.

I could make analogies, but they're all angsty and depressing, and life is just too good for that.

Even at a DISTANCE, it has this much of an effect. Whoda thunk?

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11:57pm 27/09/2008

I really just like this comic way too much. It's on seem deep visceral level, to the point where the emotions is communicates are what is in focus.

My best answer for my ideal job is still super hero; I really need to figure out something else I would enjoy doing for a living
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07:15pm 21/09/2008
  This semester is interesting. To say the least possible, things are different than they've ever been before. Its...difficult at times.

On the other hand, I got to see the Minnesota Vikings whip ass versus the Carolina Panthers, so it's certainly not all bad.

in the meantime... (interview questions; I refuse to pass these things on)

1) Where the hell did you go? =] Haven't heard from you in a loooong time.
- I get this a lot, and somehow my life has ended up really busy. This summer there was just a lot going on, and now at school there's a lot of homework and clubs and all that stuff. Somehow I've lost a lot of frequent contact with people

2) All we really have to do in this life is live and die (hopefully be happy somewhere in between). Are you happy?
- Yes. In so many ways, yes.

3) Hopes, dreams and ambitions?
-Have fun, explore often, enjoy the things I have, and do not mourn that which I don't

4) Wander lust?
-Not in the same ways; I've explored a lot of the areas I inhabit, and on top of that I find myself really tired a lot of the time. lame excuse, but it's the truth.

5) What's work like, what's fun like?
- Work is fun, I get to give tours and slack off around the tour office; homework less so, but my classes are actually all pretty interesting this semester. Fun is more casual, hanging out with friends, grilling, drinking beer, playing videogames.
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Updates from Northland   
11:32am 08/09/2008
  Fucking hell fuck fuck

it got down to 39 degrees last night. Early fucking SEPTEMBER and we're almost at freezing.

Some people are predicting a blizzard on Halloween like they had a dozen years ago.

For the record? Fuck Minnesota.
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Oh Nutrition   
09:00pm 01/09/2008
  So, my nutrition teacher calls it "diabeetus"

I am incapable of not laughing. Oh College.
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06:51pm 28/08/2008
  I have a new pendant. It makes me irrationally happy.

"Though yea I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil for I am the biggest baddest motherfucker there"

For future reference, if I am ever teaching English in another country, and am incensed at my students, I am going to give them Lewis Carrol's "Jabberwocky" to translate. I'll tell them that if they can't find the words in a dictionary, they've done it wrong.

I'm unreasonably excited for two classes I will in all probability despise. It's just hard not to; new learning and all.
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Back to the places we used to know   
12:35pm 25/08/2008
  Has anyone else had the experience where you're back in a familiar place, with familiar people, but you lack the basic things in common to talk about?

It always happens for the first few days when I come back to school, or go back home. I love seeing everyone, but it's like we're missing that basic commonality of experience that allows us to casually chat.

The chats I do have are usually questions about the past few months, and when those run out, usually just asserting how weird it is to be back/see everyone/etc.

I know to expect it, but it still weirds me out, taking away the basic thing in common (going to the same school, living in the same area), and seeing the kind of havoc it wreaks on even good friends.
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05:24pm 11/08/2008
  Fuck Kayaks

in other news, I realized that I'm definitely one of those people when I'm in a couple. I'm surprisingly ok with this.
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Letters take the place of meaning   
11:46pm 27/07/2008
  That was the point of "hush", that dialogue occasionally can be a crutch. it sounds silly, but it's true. Words and meaning are not necessarily related.

"It's curtains for you Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains." Best. Musical. Ever.

2013; July 20th. I will be there, again, standing in the surf looking at the moon. Halcyon. The
cigar was a nice touch, but the experience is like a fine painting.

I think explanations are boring.
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03:42am 18/07/2008
  Holy shit Joker holy shit holy shit holy shit

seriously. That pretty much is the second most important part of the last several weeks of my life

myrtle beach now. more later. cheers!
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Complex weaves   
12:33am 23/06/2008
  This is my last week of summer before I have to start working. It'll be nice to be on a schedule, and doubly so to be getting some money, but damned if I don't hate giving up all this freedom.

It's really weird; I keep tripping in my dreams, and then I'll jerk forward, in the real world, as if to catch myself in the dream. I always fall right back asleep, but it's possibly the most disconcerting experience ever.

People, myself included, seem to have this urge to complicate things. It's either the attempt of control or the refusal to do such. Balance again of course. Bloody hell if it's not tiring to keep learning this.

I want to try un-complicating things, but I continually seem to tangle them back up. I'm not entirely sure why.
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11:24pm 13/06/2008
  I made it. My heart is pumping so fast, it feels like I'm having a heart attack.

I made it upstairs fine, but then the trouble started. There was one upstairs, and it made this...noise. God, it was like a fox being burned to death. Whatever it was, it called more. I killed it, and ran into my room.

...I think it was my brother. Fuck.

I was stuck up there for hours, waiting for the wanderers to go away. I was able to get my katana, machete, and some books. I know it seems crazy, but I'm in for the long haul I guess. I wanted to take more with me, but I knew I had to be able to move freely.

I finally came out after it had gotten dark. Wasnt smart enough I suppose, one came at me out of the bathroom. I hit it again and again, just went a little nuts I suppose. There was blood everywhere, I want to wash it off, but I'm afraid the noise of a shower would attract more. I used the sink as much as I could, but it looks like the water is running out. Can't be long now til the power goes out.

I want to barricade the windows down here, but I can't bring myself to do it. They're old school, plate glass, several inches thick. I feel like they're my only good way out of here if I run out of food and supplies. I got lucky going through the house once, but its got too many places for these things to hide.

I keep thinking about "when this is over", but is it going to be over? I'm terrified that this isn't just a temporary thing. Please let my friends and family be safe. Good luck
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05:06pm 13/06/2008
  I'm writing this from down in my basement, it's the only safe floor in the house. I barricaded the stairwell with the couch and anything else I could find, but I'm afraid it's not enough. I can hear them upstairs, shuffling around.

I wish I'd grabbed one of my swords from upstairs, but it was all so sudden. I saw a car crash on the way home from my interview, but I didn't think twice. Got home, turned on the TV to see massive static.

Hopefully someone will read this. I can survive for a while; I'm melting ice from the freezer to drink, and there's plenty of frozen food. I want to get out of here and find my friends or family, but I'm terrified that they'll tear me apart the moment I try.

Fuck. For all our joking, this is insane. It feels like I've been down here forever, but it's only been a few hours. I'm amazed the internet is still working, but thank god for small miracles.

I'm going to try and make a break for it, grab some more supplies and maybe something from my room. Wish me luck!
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